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제목 [Ki Young Song] AP World history LEQ 관련 질문
Modern_TestPrep (37강 완성) 21
작성자 spa*** 등록일 2025-04-17 오후 9:05:14
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밑에 질문에 대해서 아래와 같이 답안을 작성해봤는데 혹시 어디가 부족한지 feedback 해주실 수 있으신가요? 감사합니다! 

prompt: In the twentieth century, conflicts such as the two world wars and the Cold War occurred on a global scale. Develop an argument that evaluates the extent to which global conflicts led to cultural or social changes during this period.

답: Prior to the twentieth century, the wars were not total wars where alliances made all allianced countreis particpate in the war. This new way of a war in a global scale led to many new developments and changes. The global conflicts led to the usage of technologies in daily lives, closer international connections, the securing of human rights, and but also created prejudices and discriminations against other countries. The global conflicts led to the implementation of technology in daily live. The global scale conflicts enabled a rapid growth in technology as better technology helped in winining the war. During the world war, telegraphs were invented and were later used for connections between people. This quick connections allowed the dispersion of knowledge. THe railroads and that were improved enabled migration to metropoles further contributing to the cultural dispersion as the immigrants brought thier own cultures to other countries. The global conflicts led to the grwoth of international connections. As the world went through multiple global conflicts, they created new allies and international cooperations like the United Nations. Prior to the UN was the League of Nations but failed dur to its failure in the duty of securing world peace. The UN cooperation conencts 193 countries aiming to secure world peace. THe global scale wars pushed nations to create new alliances. These global alliances which are made because of the war includes notions to prevent wars and help people after the war. These cooperations asked support from the countries that were in UN to help countries that are in need. Furthermore, the European Nation formed EU cooperation to ensure easy transportation enabling and expanding trade network making it beneficial for their economy. Global cnfl The global conflicts had put an emphasis on human rights. The declaration of human rights enabled the security of human rights for many coutries. They made standards of human rights, making goals, and supported each other in securing human rights. Moreover, women rights improved as precendence to the world wars, women mostly participated in house duties. However, as the world wars were total wars with the blurred homefront lines, women also participated in the war by working in factories for the production of armeries and by going to the army as nurses. These global conflicts which pushed women to workforces elevated women rights, contributing to the earning of women's right to vote. International cooperations help ensure these human rights. These social and cultural changes mainly caused by the global conflicts have lasting affects until now as although the global conflicts made positive impacts globally by implementing human rights and connecting the world, it made by products of prejudices and discriminations. During the war, the countries used propagandas of making other countries look evil compared to them. For instance, the USA and the USSR conflict during the Cold war led to believing that the other ideology is evil and anyone who follows those ideologies are evil. This belief in strong nationalism also created prejudices and discriminations. 
2025-04-19 오후 1:00:03

Thesis - ok 1점 (The global conflicts led to the usage of technologies in daily lives, closer international connections, the securing of human rights, and but also created prejudices and discriminations against other countries.)

Contextualization - weak, 0 점 (Prior to the twentieth century, the wars were not total wars where alliances made all allianced countreis particpate in the war. This new way of a war in a global scale led to many new developments and changes. - 과거와의 대비를 짧게 언급한 정도에 불과함. 제국주의, 19세기 국제질서, 군사기술 변화 등을 충분히 설명할 필요가 있음

Evidence - 총 2점 중 1점 (유엔, 여성의 노동 참여, 여성 참정권, 냉전 시기 이념 대립, 철도·전신, 이민 등의 예시들이 언급되었으나(1점) 너무 피상적이고 분석이 부족(0점)해 주장을 효과적으로 뒷받침하지 못함)

Analysis and Reasoning - 총 2점 중 1점 (질문에 답하는 과정에서 기본적인 reasoning skill 은 보여줬지만(1점) 완성도가 아주 높지는 못함(complexity 0점))

 

대략 3-4점 예상해 봅니다. 전반적으로 다양한 내용(기술, 여성의 권리, 국제기구, 이념 갈등)을 동원해 질문에 답변하려는 노력을 보여준 것은 장점, 그러나 핵심 사례들에 대한 분석이 너무 피상적이고 논리적 흐름이 불안정한 것은 단점이라고 할 수 있어요. (단락 구분이 안되어 있고 주제문도 찾아보기 어려움) 또 사소한 문법 오류가 많아 가독성이 떨어집니다. (감점요인까지는 아님) 에세이 형식에는 문제가 없어 보이니, 내용을 지금보다 더 충실하고 완성도 높게 채우려고 노력하면 좋겠어요. 화이팅! 
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